Original Post

Title: Forever Ever After (#12)

Genre: Romance/Urban Fantasy

Sarah Davies suggested I change the lurking part to something less melodramatic. Based on the information in my query, would you agree or do you have a better suggestion? The query has already resulted in a number of requests for full and partials. But just in case they go nowhere, I really wanted feedback on this. Thanks for your help.

Query:

Eleven months ago, Bryn was drugged and raped at a party. Now armed with her nine rules of self-preservation, she’s determined never to trust a guy or fall in love. Not even Vali, the hot new camp counselor, who moves to Bemidji, Minnesota from Norway.

Shortly after Vali’s arrival, a nix tries to drown Bryn and a Viking attempts to kill her. As she searches for the truth behind the attacks, she realizes Vali isn’t the typical teenage guy. He’s a Norse god determined to court and marry her, as prophesied by the Norns.

As Norwegian folklore clashes with Bryn’s world, she must find the courage to trust and love Vali, and discover the strength to save them both.

First 250:

Kay flopped down on her beach towel. The familiar excitement in her eyes set me on edge. I’d seen that look oh-so-many times whenever she spied a good-looking guy.

“Bryn, you have to see the new counselor who started today,” she gushed. “Vali something or other. He’s teaching archery.”

On the other towel next to mine, Nikki sat up. “Is he cute?”

I shuddered and wrapped my arms tightly around my drawn up, jean-covered legs.

“Not so much cute as impossibly hot,” Kay said.

“You mean hotter than Brian?” Nikki stripped off her hoodie to reveal her daring red tank top. Obviously not for our benefit. “So when do we get to meet him?”

“Great,” I muttered, “another guy who thinks he’s god’s gift to females.”

Kay ignored my comment, probably not expecting, of late, anything less. Nikki, of course, threw me a look of pure exasperation and disbelief. How I could disregard the poor guy before I’d even met him?

But I didn’t have to meet him to know he’d be no different than the others. My experience with good-looking guys, especially the athletic sort, taught me a handsome face does nothing more than hide a dangerous nature lurking beneath.

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