My dear friend and fellow writer, Damyanti sugested that I start over. Just start writing the query again so that it will have the flow I want. I decided to do just that. Along with reading what a good query is over on the Querytracker blog. There are four installments on writing a good query that I think everyone should read. Go here, here, here, and here. 🙂
So, here’s the new query:
High school and a love triangle seem easy compared to what lurks in the mind of seventeen year old Samantha Sanders–nightmares which force her to deal with a lust for blood and a creature she doesn’t understand.
When Sam is forced to move in with her blind Cherokee grandfather, she finds herself in a world she never knew existed. She must learn to deal with her parents’ death and a new school as she falls in love with twenty-one-year-old Andrew Clearwater, local Deputy and all around hottie. Things are complicated further when new friend and math tutor James Peterson, also expresses interest in her.
Andrew has a secret he doesn’t want to reveal. But when she has a vision of him being attacked, he can’t hide the truth from Sam any longer. Her Cherokee heritage harbors dangerous truths that not even her second degree black belt could have prepared her for. She belongs to an ancient line of Protectors, who fight Flesh Eaters–monsters straight from the depths of legend.
Thing is, Sam has a secret admirer–someone bound by his kind to kill her. And if Sam can’t learn to defeat this creature, not only do her chances of survival decrease, she may be turned into one.