Much discussion has taken place recently over this issue. You can read about it here, here, and here.

I for one have had help with my query. It’s been writen poorly and revised, and revised again. A few times over. My first letter hardly resembled a query at all.

This one’s much better, but still….

Samantha, at seventeen, is thrown into a life of turmoil at the sudden death of her parents and a forced move 1500 miles from her home in Ramona California, to the remote country life in Tahlequah Oklahoma to live with her blind Cherokee grandfather. As she discovers her birthright into a long line of Cherokee Protectors who defend the woodlands from mythical monsters, she falls in love with a twenty-one year old Sheriff’s Deputy. A sense of someone or something watching her, leads to the readers discovery of her stalker, Colin.

Here’s another attempt:

With a second-degree black belt, seventeen year old Samantha Sanders can usually take care of herself. But when she moves in with her blind grandfather in rural Oklahoma, Sam discovers her Cherokee heritage harbors dangerous truths no amount of martial arts training could have prepared her for.

As a member of an ancient line of Protectors, she must learn to defend others from Flesh Eaters, the all-too-real mythical monsters, and at the same time trust the man who shares her secret.  As if that wasn’t enough, she has to ward off the affections of her algebra tutor while still trying to pass the class. But high school and falling in love are easy compared to what lurks in her mind. For Sam has a secret admirer-a monster straight from LEGEND-who is bound by his kind to kill her…

And the one I’m currently using. Is it any better? Let me know what you think.

As a member of an ancient line of Protectors, seventeen year old Samantha Sanders must learn to defend herself from Flesh Eaters-the all-too-real mythical monsters-and at the same time trust the man who shares her secret. Trust and falling in love is easy compared to what lurks in her mind. Sam has a secret admirer-a monster straight from Legend-who is bound by his kind to kill her…

LEGEND OF THE PROTECTORS is a fast paced Young Adult Urban Fantasy Novel complete at 88,000 words.

So as you can see, query writing is not my forte. Any suggestions? Would love to hear what you think. You can also read the synopsis here. (Note: Synopsis does tell the end, so enter at your own risk.)

🙂 Sarah

Advertisements