So I’m almost finished with the first draft of Surviving, and then I’ll lend it to my new crit group Rumored Romantics for the shredding of said novel.
Here’s the characters, at least what they look like in my head.
Adriadna Ivonovna Sidorova a.k.a. Drew
Talmage LeGrand Shell
Benjamin Carr
Sonja Abilhão
Steve Jameson
Angela Hansen
There you have my characters. At least the one’s I’ve found pictures for. 
I will put up some scenes and such over the next little while.
With all the writing we do, that much more time is spent editing.
In editing Legend of the Protectors, my first manuscript, I went through it with a specific task in mind each time.
First, I went through for passiveness, trying to take out as many TO BE verbs as possible and replacing them with stronger vowels. The TO BE verbs are ARE, IS, WAS, WERE… They are sometimes necessary, so don’t take them all out, but if you’re new to this, you will want to see if taking them out won’t make the story stronger.
Some examples:
Passive: Sam was sitting in the chair watching Andrew.
Active: Sam sat in the chair watching Andrew.
Okay, I know these are weak, but you get the idea.
Next thing I did was to go through and look for REPETITIVE words. (On both of these use the find/search feature–or you can simple read through, but you’ll see, if you use find, that you’ve missed a lot.)
I had many words, that I wouldn’t think I used tons, used TONS. So if you us SO 352 times, you might want to take some of them out. 
Now, what are some common writing mistakes that you want to avoid? SoYouWanna.com has listed them here for you, and linked to more detail on each one. I will post them again, but encourage you to read the links.
1. MAKE YOUR SUBJECTS AND VERBS AGREE.
2. MAKE PRONOUNS AND ANTECEDENTS AGREE.
5. USE SIMILAR WORDS CORRECTLY. (Like accept and except.)
7. STOP MISUSING “HOPEFULLY”. (This is one I just learned. And yep, I have to go fix that one.)
So here you have a place to start. Take things one step at a time, and it will make things easier. And soon, you’ll see the mistakes, and fix them without having to LOOK for them. And one day, as you continue to write and practice your skills, you simply won’t make them.
Here’s to EDITING! Good luck!
FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE
“Miss Sidorova, can we have a word?” the DEA from the chopper asked.
I nodded, trying with everything I had to ignore Talmage and picked at my sandwich. My feelings toyed between rage and heartbreak. Did I really believe he was responsible for Danny’s death? Not the man that I had gotten to know over the last two days. But what about the man I didn’t know? Was he the kind of person that put his ego and career over everything? What about his wife? What was her take on him being gone all the time? Having a husband in this line of work couldn’t be easy.
“We just have a few questions to ask and then you can get some sleep.”
Talmage went into the room across the hall. Southridge was a pit bull. Why had they sent him down? I prayed Talmage really wasn’t involved. The DEA man pulled out a chair for me, so I sat.
“Miss Sidorova, my name’s Jameson. Can you tell me about your meeting with Abilhão?” his southern accent did nothing to help him pronounce the Latin name. Jameson sat in the chair next to me and smiled.
“Well, I can tell you what it was supposed to be. We were negotiating a trade, more or less. Abilhão had a large quantity of pure heroin he wanted moved. He said he had another buyer, but if we could get him weapons, he was willing to talk.” I sighed. My eyes hurt.
“What kind of weapons did he have in mind?”
I slumped a little in my chair, eyeing the bed. What I wouldn’t give to lie down for even thirty minutes. “AKMs with GP-25 40mm underbarrel grenade launchers. Among other things. Mostly older guns. Russian. Said he liked how we did things in the Mother Country.”
Jameson raised his eyebrow. He had a certain charm about him. Blond, shaggy hair, green eyes, and a nice smile. I had a feeling he knew how to charm women. I couldn’t tell if he wanted to charm me though. “Mother Country?”
“Меня зовут Adriadna Ивоновна Сидорова. Мой отец – русский. Разве Вы не услышали? я быстр. Возможно Вы должны сделать вашу домашнюю работу.”
Jamison smiled. “I have no clue what you just said, but it turned me on.”
How single minded some men seemed to be. Strange thing with this man, it was hard to take offense because of how he said it. I believed that he held the same powers with the opposite sex that Danny had had.
I didn’t say anything else, just looked at the man’s face. He was not the man I wanted to have that affect on.
He finally asked, “So what did you say?”
“My name is Adridna Ivonovna Sidorova. My father is Russian. Have you not heard? I am fluent. Maybe you should do your homework.”
His grin deepened. “Maybe you could teach me.”
I rolled my eyes. “Maybe you can tell me what else you need and I can get out of here.”
“Sure. Okay.” He leaned back in his chair, two of the feet came off the floor. “What other weapons?”
“AK-47s, APS underwaters, Korobov TKB-408s, 517s, and 022s. What can I say, he liked Russian. One reason he dealt with me.” This time I was the one turning it on. I heaved my chest as I stood up.
Jameson’s gaze followed me as I slowly walked around his chair.
“Do you like Russian?” I asked in a Russian accent.
“Uh-huh. Yes, ma’am.”
I kicked the two legs of the chair still on the floor and it tipped over backwards. “Good, then learn to speak it and you go figure out what Abilhão wants.” And I walked out of the room. I was too tired to deal with this moron and his crotch.
I have a new WIP that I’m calling SURVIVING right now. Today, I wrote 3000 words so far. I love when the story just flows.
Here’s the beginning. And remember this is raw.
CHAPTER 1. THE FALL
He wrapped his arms around me and held on tight. At times we hit ground, but mostly just fell through open air. Our screams tangled with the rushing wind. I focused on the changing colors behind my closed lids, not willing to know the exact moment of our death. Or even worse-if we lived.
The fall lasted too long already, and I had to fight the instinct to look down. As I gave in and my eyes opened, a bed of white foaming water appeared. I had just enough time to take a deep breath when we sliced through the twisted surface. He still held me, pulling me up with him. My ankles ached and my lungs felt on fire. The man swam hard with the current, tugging me along.
After what seemed like an eternity of fighting to stay afloat, the man had us to the rocky shore of the raging river. We lay intertwined with one another for some time, both trying to catch our breath. Finally, the man asked, “Is anything broken?”
I lifted my head off his shoulder and looked into his large, milk chocolate eyes. “Um, I’m not sure. You?”
He slowly started moving his body beneath me. “I don’t believe so. But do you mind getting off me so I can make sure.”
I fought back an embarrassed smile. “Sure.” I rolled to my side, wincing at the pain my whole body was racked with. I watched the man as he stretched his long muscular body. He shook water from his black curly hair.
“Just bruised up really good. But other than that…” He looked at me sprawled on the ground and frowned. “So, want to explain why we both nearly died? Who are those men, and why did I almost take a bullet for you?”
I knew that was coming, even had the perfect rehearsed answer. But for some reason, staring in this man’s eyes, I couldn’t give it. So I did the next best thing. Kept my mouth shut.
I sat up and inspected my ankles. Sore, but not broken. The left was sprained, but I could walk. We couldn’t stay put, it wouldn’t take long for ARCOVE’s men to find us. I pushed off the ground, steadied myself, and asked, Can you walk?”
The man’s glare could’ve cut through glass. I looked away. “We need to move.” I hoped he’d follow as I trekked into the trees. I needed to get my bearings and find a way out of this mess.
“Hey, wait.” He grabbed my arm. His grip was strong, but I could’ve gotten way. “I’m not going anywhere unless I get some answers.”
I shrugged off his hand. “Suit yourself. But if you stay here, those men won’t answer your questions, they’ll kill you.” I caught the blaze in his eyes and the glare before I turned and hobbled towards the trees.
Twigs snapped behind me. His heavy steps would make finding us that much easier for Abraham Maller and Mr. Clean. “Hey, mind treading lighter? I’d like to live to see another day.”
He grumbled something under his breath, and I assumed, stopped. I turned back and he nearly plowed me down. When I started walking again, I felt his breath on my neck on occasion, but rarely heard him. A normal civilian wouldn’t know how to walk through the jungle that way. And he was definitely American, no doubt about it. He didn’t belong in the Amazon.
I almost laughed out loud. Neither did I.
Have a great weekend!
Okay, hopefully this is it. But let me know what y’all think.
Synopsis:
When seventeen-year-old SAMANTHA SANDERS’ parents are killed in a car accident, she is forced to move half way across the country to live with the blind Cherokee grandfather she hardly knows. After a nightmare where she finds herself inside the mind of a killer, she’s positive she doesn’t want to stay in Oklahoma.
Sam falls for twenty-one-year old hottie, Deputy ANDREW CLEARWATER, and he returns the affection at first. But his behavior soon changes, becoming erratic and standoffish. Missing Andrew, Sam finds solace in her math tutor, JAMES PETERSON.
The close relationship her grandfather has with Andrew and his mother throws them together often. During a game of backyard football, Andrew tackles Sam, pinning her to the ground. Before they can kiss, her mind is overcome by an inhuman presence. Sam is rushed inside, away from Andrew, and through her confusion, darkness takes over her mind. She sees through the eyes of a monster who wants to destroy them. A searing pain shoots through her body, ending her vision. Frantic and scared, Sam demands explanations, only to discover some answers aren’t easy to swallow.
Andrew explains to Sam that they both come from a long line of Cherokees Protectors with special gifts that aid them in destroying Flesh Eaters-monsters in human form. She figures out her recurring nightmares are more than just bad dreams. They are a window into the mind of the monster, leaving her with a lust for blood-and for the Flesh Eater.
Andrew and Sam’s mutual attraction continues to grow and they begin dating. After sneaking out, and going way further than either intended, Andrew decides it’s best to take a break from Sam for a while. The lack of attention from Andrew makes resisting James’s advances that much harder. To complicate feelings further, another admirer emerges from the shadows-COLIN, the all-too-real monster from her dreams.
Although Colin is bound by his kind to kill her, he becomes obsessed with Sam and manipulates her thoughts and dreams. Eventually he shows himself, speaking only in her thoughts, and vows to watch over her. Sam hates herself for the attraction she feels when the monster calms her fears, and for the desire that fills her in his presence and through her dreams.
The other Flesh Eaters are angry with Colin for allowing Sam to live. Colin’s long time lover tries to destroy the newest Protector, but Andrew arrives in time to save her. When Colin steps out of the woods, Andrew believes they are doomed, but instead, Colin murders his mate in order to save Sam.
After the near-death experience, Andrew breaks things off with Sam for good, telling her he thinks his attraction is just physical. Heartbroken, she again turns to James, who’s more than willing to comfort her. Sam struggles to deal with the love of her life dumping her, and tries to understand why the Flesh Eater saved her life. But her hardships are nothing compared to the hell Andrew is living through trying to keep up the lie.
Andrew keeps the real reason he left Sam from her. Her grandfather’s visions revealed that if she didn’t remain pure, the Underworld could gain control of the Protectors, ultimately destroying them.
Friday morning before I left for school, Andrew called. “I don’t work tonight. Do you want to do something?”
“Um. I kinda promised James that I’d go to his basketball game. Vincent wants to go so he can talk to Laura. He met her last night.”
He sighed, but then in what I knew was a forced, pleasant voice said, “Okay. Some other time then.”
“Come with us,” I blurted.
“Yeah right, Sam.”
“I’ll cancel.”
“No. Then I’m being a jerk. Go to the game, and maybe we can go to the Tulsa Zoo tomorrow.”
I sat on my desk chair. “Because Paw-pa’s suddenly forgotten that he doesn’t want us alone and will gladly give his permission?”
He laughed. “No. Because I’m going to bring Mark and the new love of his life, Elizabeth, with me, and beg. We won’t ever be alone, and I’ve really made up my mind this time that the no French Kissing Rule is back in affect. So nothing will happen.”
“Oh. Then I bet he says yes.”
“He will.” His voice became like a dancing flame, melting me. “I can be very persuasive when I want to be.”
“I know. So, can I see you after the game?”
His voice changed back to normal. Still sexy. That deep Southern accent always got to me. “I should probably go to bed. I do have to work Sunday morning. I’ll get plenty of sleep tonight so I can spend all day with you tomorrow.”
“Then I’ll see you bright and early in the morning.”
What do y’all think of this?
Synopsis:
When seventeen-year-old SAMANTHA SANDERS’ parents are killed in a car accident, she is forced her to move halfway across the country to live with the blind Cherokee grandfather she hardly knows. After a dream where she finds herself inside the mind of a killer, she’s sure she doesn’t want to stay in Oklahoma.
Sam and her grandfather eat dinner with twenty-one-year old hottie, Deputy ANDREW CLEARWATER, and his mother a week Sam and her grandfather eat dinner with twenty-one-year old hottie, Deputy ANDREW CLEARWATER, and his mother a week after her parents’ death. She breaks down and Andrew consoles her, almost kissing her, but his behavior over the next few weeks becomes erratic and standoffish, so Sam finds solace in math tutor, JAMES PETERSON. almost kissing her, but his behavior over the next few weeks becomes erratic and standoffish, so Sam finds solace in math tutor, JAMES PETERSON. Unfortunately, she’s looking for a friend while he’s looking for a girlfriend.
During a backyard game of football, Andrew tackles Sam, pinning her to the ground. But before he can kiss her, her mind is overcome by a presence that doesn’t feel human. The game ends when Andrew’s cousins rush her inside. Darkness takes over, and Sam experiences a strange ability to see through eyes starving for the destruction of Andrew and his uncle, until a searing pain shoots through her body, ending her vision. Frantic and scared, Sam demands explanations but quickly realizes they are not easy to swallow.
Andrew pulls Samantha aside and explains the Cherokee Protector Legend. They both come from a long line of Cherokees with special gifts and talents that aid them in destroying Flesh Eaters, monsters of human form. She realizes her recurring nightmares are more than just bad dreams-they are a window into the mind of the monster that leaves her with a lust for blood, and for him.
Andrew and Sam’s attraction continues to grow and they begin secretly dating. As she struggles with the advances of James, another admirer emerges from the shadows-COLIN, the all-too-real monster from her dreams.
Although Colin is bound by his kind to kill her, he becomes obsessed and manipulates her thoughts and dreams. When he eventually shows himself, he speaks only in her thoughts, and vows to watch over her. Sam hates herself for the calming affect he has on her. The attraction she feels doesn’t help either.
When Colin allows Sam to live, it angers the other Flesh eaters, and Colin’s long time lover, Jasmine, takes it upon herself to destroy the Protector. Andrew shows up in time to keep Jasmine from killing Sam, but when Colin steps out of the woods, Andrew feels death for them is certain. In the end, Colin saves Sam by murdering Jasmine.
After the near death experience, Andrew breaks up with Sam, telling her he thinks his attraction is just physical. Heartbroken, but determined to stay strong, Sam turns to James, who’s more than willing to comfort her. Sam doesn’t realize Andrew’s true reasons for leaving her: Don’s visions have revealed that if Andrew doesn’t stay away from Sam, together they would destroy the balance of the Protectors. Sam struggles to find sense of her life, but it’s nothing compared to the hell Andrew is living through each day trying to keep up with the lie.
Okay, here’s another go at putting these together. What do y’all think?
When seventeen-year-old Samantha Sanders is forced to move in with her blind Cherokee grandfather, vivid nightmares take her inside the mind of a killer. She dreams of murders that actually happen…while they’re happening.
Sam finds herself in a forbidden relationship with local hottie, Sheriff’s Deputy Andrew Clearwater. Soon after, she experiences a terrifying vision of a strange attack on him, through the eyes of his attacker. Flustered, she turns to Andrew for explanation. He reveals her dreams and the attack are related to an ancient line of Cherokee Protectors who fight Flesh Eaters-monsters that look like us, but come straight from the depths of legend. As their descendants, Sam and Andrew are bound by duty to protect others.
Loosely based on the Cherokee Legend The Stone Shield, this young adult urban fantasy LEGEND OF THE PROTECTORS is complete at 97,000 words.
A registered Cherokee, I enjoy studying the history and legends of my people.
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